Overcoming Fears

I did it you guys.

I feel so empowered! I overcame three really big fears this year.

1. Roller Coasters

2. Water Slides

3. Haunted Houses

I had a fear from all three of them for all the same reason; I went into them when I was too young and they scared me to the point that I had convinced I would never go on one again.

The roller coaster I went on was too fast for a 6 year old Destinee.

The water slide was too fast.

The haunted house was too scary and too long. I was like 8 and I made my dad carry me through the entire haunted house. When I say the whole haunted house, I mean the entire thing. He put me down once and that was the only time he put me down.

What a champ for carrying me all that way.

But this year, I decided I was tired of living in fear of those things and missing out on things that my friends were going to all the time.

One time in high school, I went on a double date with some friends and my boyfriend at the time and we all went to a haunted house. I hung out with them while they waited in line, and then went and sat in the car for the 45 mintues they were in the haunted house because I was too scared to go in. I hid in the car when people walking through the parking lot were walking around to scare people walking in. What a wuss.

So I decided no more.

Granted, I still have execptions to the rules.

I won't go on the water slides that are pretty much a straight drop. Those are just wedgie givers and I don't want to pull my underwear out of my front teeth when the slide is over.

I don't want to go on the colossus anytime soon because it goes upside down. I don't want to go on the Wicked because it does a vertical drop. No thanks, I'm good. But I did go on The Spider, The Bat, The Jet Star, and The White Roller Coaster. So fun.

Then the haunted house. I had a lot of fun, I stayed in the middle of everyone so no one could jump out at me. It worked pretty well. The one place that really erked me was these black puffy things that squoze me in the middle of them.. I couldn't see. I didn't know how long it was going to take to get through them, and I'm claustrophobic. I allllmost had a panic attack in it. Dislike. The rest of the haunted house was fun. Well, it was actually a haunted circus. FUN. I liked it.

I'll be going on more roller coasters. More water slides. And maybe one haunted house a year. I'll pick my battles on those. I'm still not totally sold on those.

(:

Ooooops

I caved. I'll admit.

I weighed myself today.

But you know what, the saying goes, "Women lose inches before they lose pounds."

This is true. I've noticed some good positive changes today. I put on a pair of jeans today that 3 months ago were a FIGHT to get on. And the best part of getting them on was that they fit. Quite nicely, actually.

I didn't have the pudge hanging over the sides like I usually do, so that was an ego boost.

I don't feel bad about weighing myself.

In the book it tells you to not weigh yourself very often, or at all if you can help it.

It's not good to weigh yourself because it's not a true measurement of your actual weight. It's not the total body fat and all that. (Unless you have a scale that tells you all of that.)

But it's not going to give you a reflection on the amount of water your body is carrying or anything like that, so it's not very accurate.

I don't have a scale at home because I know I would be tempted to assess my weight everyday. (that's not healthy or something that should be at the top of my list of things to be worrying about right now.)

Another good thing I noticed, I found my hip bones!!

I haven't seen them in... I don't know how long.
I could see the outline of them, but not the actual bone itself.

The best part of it all is I'm not really changing how I eat.Just how much I eat.

I'm famous for overeating, especially when the food is really good, or there's a lot of it. It's going to be a challenge for me when the holidays are here, but I'm doing really well, so I'm hoping by Thanksgiving I'll have a more firm basis for where my body is.

It's such a simple concept: eat when you're hungry until you're full. Don't limit yourself to what you can and cannot eat, award yourself and make note of how it makes you feel when you allow yourself to eat what you want.

I've still got a lot of the book to read.

But I feel like all of this is coming to me fairly easily because I'm so tired of the bad relationship with my body and food. I'm a firm believer that this isn't going to work for anyone until they've absolutely had enough. At this point "diet" is a dirty word. I won't do it because I don't need it.
I need to be the weight my body is supposed to be at naturally and then it's all up to me to accept it from there.

This week has been a week of rebellion. (On a small scale.)

Intuitive eating is all about allowing yourself to eat what you want when you're hungry. That means not restricting what you're eating, because once you restrict it, you're going to want it more. Then once you allow yourself to eat what you want, there's a good chance you'll binge and eat too much. So the first thing you've got to do is allow yourself to eat what you want.

And pay attention to how it makes you feel when you eat your favorite foods.

In the book it tells you it's okay to eat the foods you want and it's okay to act against that rebellion that's inside you that's been eating away ('scuse the pun) at you and eat the good foods.

This week I ate a lot of foods that were higher in fat and not the healthiest for me. I've done my best to leave the bad self talk out and just let myself enjoy the food.
I've been paying attention to how the food made me feel. When I ate it, how happy it made me.

And it's been paying off.

I've also been eating breakfast. It's not much breakfast, just a granola bar and some Carnation instant breakfast. But hey, it's breakfast. More than I've eaten for breakfast in a long time.

I've noticed some positive change as well.

I've noticed my belly's starting to get where I want it to be.

My thighs are getting to where I want them to be.

I feel lighter.

I feel happy on the inside becasue I'm noticing small changes in what I'm doing.

It fees good.

Alternatively, this week has been a little emotional.

For some reason this week has brought up a lot of feelings toward my father.

I looked him up on facebook and got this overwhelming feeling that I had been utterly replaced by his new family. His daughter I'm sure doesn't remember me and his son probably doesn't even know I exist. (they're my blood brother and sister and they probably will never know I'm 20 minutes away from them.)

Normally I don't piss in my pity pot, so to speak. I don't believe in wallowing in self-pity.

But for some reason, all of that anger I had back in middle school when I realized he didn't want a relationship with me all came rushing to me.

I haven't spoken to him in 8 years. It hasn't bothered me in a looooong time.

Maybe it's because I know he's so close and maybe he's looked me up on facebook and maybe he just doesn't care anymore.

I don't know.

Anyway. It's been a rough week on the inside of Destinee's head.

But I'm tough. I'll get through it. Just like I always have. Just like I always will.

If my mom taught me anything, it's that you don't have to play the "poor me" game. It doesn't get you anywhere and it's going to be more beneficial to just step up and show the world that nothing's going to keep you down.

It's a good thing I have such a wonderful mom. She's wonderful.

I love her so much.