Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

I've been feeling a little down lately.

Perhaps I'm just dwelling on the fact that I feel like where I ultimately want to be in life;

With my own house.

With enough money to live comfortably and still have a little to play every once in a while.

I've always been one to be in a hurry to grow up.

That's no exception now.I enjoy life and like what I'm doing.

But I'm excited to see what my life is going to be like in the future.

When I was little I was in such a hurry to grow up.

I wanted high heels when they didn't make them in my size.

I'd shave my legs when I was like... 8 to feel like a big kid.

Playing house was one of my favorite things.

I don't know why I'm in such a hurry to grow up.

Sometimes I feel stuck.

But anyway.

Enough of pissing in my pity pot.

I need to get a hobby or something.

Something to get me out of this go to work, go home, go to bed, wake up, go to work, go home, go to bed, wake up rut I'm stuck in.

School will help.

Any suggestions?

New Background!

I wish all of the layouts I find for blogs weren't so girly, or shabby- chic.

They're cute, but i'd like something a little more me.

In the mean time, here's my new background for a minute!!

PS. I'm writing this to you with a Samson on my right arm.

He sends his best.

*thinkin*

When I'm feeling down, have a lot to think about, or just need to let my mind wonder to other places; I write song lyrics.

I've never understood why I choose to do it. They're not lyrics I write, they're lyrics that other bands have written.
This is going to make me sound like a total emo baby whiner, but I write lyrics to songs that I used to listen to back in middle school.
I think it's because it was the last time I had the free time to memorize an entire album and had the spare time to just sit and be able to write them

out.

For instance, I can write all of the lyrics for all of the songs on Evanescence's first album.

And in the order they came on the album.

Emo, right?

And the song Emotionless from Good Charlotte.

I've got that one down verbatim.

I certainly wish they were happier songs, for they remind me of middle school, when I thought life was really hard. Haha.

But it's what I do.

Perhaps during this summer I'll spend some time getting some different songs stuck in my "useless vat of information" bin in my brain, and I'll make them a little more positive.

Anyway, I don't know what it is that fixes my funk, but I'll write a few songs out (sometimes a few hundred times) and I'm all better!

When I can't think of a solution: I've got it.

When I've got a lot to think about: I've thought it through.

When I was bummed out: I feel better.

Maybe it's the fact that I don't have to think about the problem and focus on something else entirely.

Or maybe it's that the lyrics have become so automatic that I don't think about anything for a while.

Either way, at the end of it all, I feel better.

It's weird.

Excuse the Language....

It's just fits me so well.

So Many Things....

I want to do in this life.

I want to become a makeup artist for the stage. I love doing cool, scary, and gory makeup.

I want to get a camera and take pictures like these ones.

I want to read "A Brief History of Time" By Stephen Hawking

I want to understand as much as I can about the universe.

It absolutely fascinates me.

I want to go back to Spain.

I want to do Theatre for the Deaf.

It would combine my two greatest loves; Sign Language and Theatre.

One of these days I want to marry Kyle.

I'm young and I know it. I'm not planning on marrying him for a while. We're both so broke it would be impossible to do it now or even in the near future.

But I know he's the one. He's incredible.

I want to finally let my hair down, say "Screw it all" and follow my dreams.

I feel like right now I'm stuck in the same place doing the same thing. I know it's only temporary, but not doing theatre is driving me crazy.

I'm so busy trying to be responsible and creating a future for me and for my future family some 234 years from now.

Not to discount what I'm doing now isn't making me happy, because it is.

But I just want to get to the point where I can be happy in every aspect of my life.

I know it's going to happen for me.

The few things that matter to me in life is the happiness of my loved ones, the success of myself and my loved ones, health, and my happiness.

Also I want to live to be 100 years old.

And I want to die peacefully in my sleep; an old, happy lady.